In a Domestic Violence (DV) situation, workers must balance engagement with accountability for violent and coercive behaviors. If we don’t find ways to work with the DV offender, it creates unrealistic expectations that a non-offending caregiver alone can keep children safe or prevent them from being exposed to DV, even though she herself is a victim. Because safety is paramount, efforts to engage a DV offender must be informed by the non-offending caregiver’s and children’s perspectives, and the impact of the offender’s behavior on them.
CAUTION:
Highly intrusive control and/or extreme jealousy are indicators of significant potential for serious violence even in the absence of prior violent behaviors.
Assessments must focus on BEHAVIORS and IMPACT on the family. A man who makes overt statements justifying abuse (“I hit her because she wouldn’t cook me food”) is not necessarily more dangerous than one who offers other explanations (“I just lost it”).
Avoid accepting culturally based excuses for violence and abuse.
PRACTICE TIPS:
Remember that in a DV situation, the non-offending caregiver is the expert on the situation. She is your best source of information about the behavior of the DV offender and about whether and how to engage him.
Strategies for working with DV offenders should be developed based on dynamic and careful assessment of their behaviors and their impact on the family.
Child welfare professionals should work with individual DV offenders differently, depending on their abusive behaviors, their strengths, and their demonstrated commitment to change (words are not enough—behaviors are what count).
Many abusive men will NOT make the decision to change their behavior, in which case the child welfare professional stays focused on accountability and creating safety for children and the non-offending caregiver.
DO NOT use disclosures of children or the non-offending caregiver when talking with the DV offender. Instead, look for third party sources of information that CAN be used safely, such as police reports; information from probation or parole officers, substance abuse treatment providers, or other professionals; or information from extended family, friends and neighbors. (Check with these individuals to see if they have any fears of retaliation by him for sharing information, and plan accordingly.)
Engage him as a father or father-figure and explore his relationship with the children.
Refer him to appropriate services.
Whatever the reason, child welfare professionals can support changed behaviors over time by helping him establish new ways of being in his relationships and new ways of parenting that are non-violent and healthy. Solution-focused practice is particularly useful in these efforts.
Explore cultural role models as a potential motivator of change.
Use universal messages about the effect of violence on relationships.
Standard marriage or couples counseling is NOT appropriate or safe as treatment for a domestic violence offender and their victim. Treatment that consists of generalized anger management is also not appropriate for a DV offender.
*NOTE: The use of gendered pronouns in this document reflects the reality that women are most often the victims of domestic violence, and men are most often the perpetrators of domestic violence. However, domestic violence occurs in and can be equally dangerous in a same-sex relationship as in a heterosexual relationship. Less frequently, a woman may be violent and abusive with a male partner.
RESOURCE: New York ACS CPS Training Curriculum
