The holidays can be a stressful and busy time for everyone. For children in foster care, this time of the year can be especially difficult. Many children experience feelings of guilt, shame, and sadness during the holidays. Their feelings might really be mixed; sad that they are not with their biological family but also guilty looking forward to presents and time with their foster family. Understanding how difficult this time may be for foster children can help us support them.

Below are some ways to help foster children cope during the holiday season:

1. Give them space for difficult emotions. Children may show an increase in negative behaviors when they are feeling upset. This can be stressful for everyone.

• Help them recognize their feelings and normalize that it is ok to feel upset. Especially for young children, they may not have the tools they need to be able to recognize.
• Identify with the child and talk about a time when you felt upset. Empathy can be one of the most powerful tools for connecting when children are upset. It lets them know they are not alone in how they feel.
• Be mindful about setting aside time for the child’s needs. To cope, some children need downtime to relax with quiet activities. Other children may need to stay busy by being outside or participating in activities.
• Routines and predictability are very important to children, especially in times of high stress. The holidays are filled with parties, recitals, and events that interrupt the daily routine. Efforts to maintain the routine as much as possible can help minimize children’s feelings of stress or becoming overwhelmed.

2. Let their voices be heard. Many children in foster care feel a lot of conflict about wanting to be with their birth families and also enjoying being with their foster families.

• Learn about the child’s holiday traditions and culturally relevant customs and give them the opportunity to talk about memories that are meaningful to them and let them know it’s ok to talk about their life experiences.
• Encourage children to talk about the positive holiday experiences or traditions they had with their birth family. This can be an important way for them to feel like they don’t have to choose between families.
• Help them to write letters or make small gifts for their family and friends. This is a great way for children to express their emotions and thoughts about wanting to be with their birth families.
• Create a scrapbook or start a life book that can incorporate their artwork, poems, photos, and other items that celebrate their life and memories.

3. Share your holiday traditions.

• Spend some time before the holiday season talking about what the holidays and events will look like and any new family or friends they will meet, or family traditions to expect. Starting these conversations early can help reduce anxiety and set children up to be successful during the new experiences.
• Children are included in foster family’s traditions. This can be done in simple ways such as: giving children stockings with their names on them, incorporating holiday tradition from their family, letting them help decorate.

The holidays can be a great time to share enjoyable activities and traditions. Children in foster care may have more difficulties with this but they should not be left out. Helping them manage their feelings and to be part of the activities and celebrations can help them to build memories of positive experiences for years to come.

RESOURCES: http://www.childrenfirstffa.com/managing-holiday-stress/

https://www.kidsintransitiontoschool.org/helping-children-in-foster-care-to-manage-holiday-stress-and-emotions/

http://nc.casaforchildren.org/files/public/community/volunteers/HelpYouthInFC-Holidays.pdf